In Italian, the literal translation of “to give birth” ~ Per dare alla luce ~ is: “To Give To The Light.”
I know I’ve been silent for some time now, but quite honestly, this WARRIOR has been surrounded by darkness and I’ve been HURTING! While I have no shame in sharing my feelings with you, it has taken a little time to figure out the best way to articulate just how hurt I really have been, what I’ve learned, and, how I can help inspire anyone going through a similar situation.
During my break, so many of you have reached out and shown your support by letting me know how much I’ve been missed…I cannot begin to tell you how much it has meant to me. Thank you!!
I’ve learned that not only do I have a voice–but just how important it is to use my voice. I’ve been Blessed with a gift and no matter what adversity I face, God ALWAYS leads me out of the darkness and into the light! I hate going through hell, but I get stronger with each life lesson!
Part of my healing is to share what I have endured as a way to help others deal with adversity and heal from it. So, rather than shutting down and silencing myself when it hurts, I must stand in my pain. I know that it will pass.
Listen, it’s a terrible thing to be a spectator rather than be a participant in your own life. It’s really so shitty when people try to intentionally inflict pain.
The on-going battle with my ex-husband really took a toll. He is seriously delinquent in child support, and medical benefits he is to provide for our children has ceased! I’ve taken him to Court no less than six times in the last nine months and he’s been found in Contempt three times! He does just enough to stay out of jail, then becomes delinquent again. It’s a game to him, but I don’t take kindly to anyone trying to harm my children! They’ve been through enough!
This last go round, not only has the health insurance been cancelled, but he has not paid any of the medical bills he is responsible for. So, the pediatrician sent a letter to me (since he refuses to answer their calls or letters), informing me that the children are no longer welcome at the Practice. To say I’m emotionally drained is an UNDERSTATEMENT!
Then my longtime friend freaked out on me and said she would, “Do whatever it took to help my ex-husband destroy me!” Why, you ask? Because I didn’t acknowledge the Christmas package she sent, when SHE thought I should. I’m not kidding, she went absolutely ballistic because I didn’t have my children call to “thank her” in a timely enough manner. Heated words were exchanged and then she took it to another level by threatening to help my ex-husband “destroy me!” For Goodness sake, what is this REALLY about?!
I’ve known her since our youth; and even though she’s always been a little unstable, had anger issues, and never takes responsibility for her actions, I still remained a loyal friend. In her diluted mind, it’s ALWAYS everyone else. Get this, she even blames her elderly mother for her never marrying and having children. It’s deep! This is someone who claims to love my kids in one breath, then wants to destroy me (their mother) in the next! Let’s just say ~ friendship O-V-E-R!
If that isn’t enough, I had been working for an extremely difficult woman (and that’s putting it nicely!) One minute I was her little sister/protege; the next, she would try to find fault with everything I did, She told me I was too slow, so I sped up my pace. I worked late into the night and, took client calls on my personal cell phone. I was happy to be working and just wanted to demonstrate how dedicated I really was!
Never mind how difficult things were getting, I just wanted to keep the peace, and keep my job. I tried to be as upbeat and positive as possible ~ even when she’d start screaming about something as simple as a client showing up to our office unexpectedly!
She wanted to control every single thing I did, even to the point of telling me how to properly highlight paperwork the way she liked it.
How does one properly highlight? But hey, let’s keep it real ~ finances are tight, especially with no help from my ex-husband, and she was in charge. So in many ways, I had to put up with it because I have two young children to raise! While I feel she intentionally did everything she could to break me, to make me quit. The fact is that I’m no quitter, so I just kept on rollin!
My work environment became more challenging with each passing day; but what’s life without challenges? She told me I was “too nice” (to the clients), I was “too tall” so I shouldn’t wear heels. I was “too skinny,” and, I don’t need to wear my thumb rings because they “drain my energy.” Each time she tried to find fault, I’d smile and do what I know best– turn it into something positive instead.
For whatever reason, it became increasingly difficult for her to make eye contact with me; when she did, her eyes would always roll to the back of her head–only revealing the whites of her eye balls! Between the eye-rolling and her marked mood swings, I didn’t know what to expect–literally ‘minute by minute’.
One day when we were discussing a client, the Office Manager walked by and joined in the conversation. Bam! She saw it. Finally, FINALLY some one else saw it too! I know this sounds strange but, I felt relieved! Someone other than me saw her eyes roll back and, that it was only directed at me!
She was the first to say it out loud–I wasn’t crazy–rather, she thought this woman was possessed. Great, now I work with the devil– Sorry, just trying to keep my sense of humor about it all.
There’s always another battle to be fought! When does it end?
With all of this drama happening so successively, the wind was literally knocked out of my sails! It got to the point where I just shut down emotionally and became SILENT. Couldn’t write. Could hardly get out of bed. Had headaches every day! I had had ENOUGH and something had to give!
Eventually, my position was ‘eliminated.’ I was sad, no one wants to have conflict at work, but everything worked out just as it should. The weekend before it happened, I had a dream that warned me about it– so I was prepared and not caught off guard completely. I walked out with my head held high and my dignity in tact–Don’t let anyone take that from you, WARRIORS!
With that said, it is imperative to get the LESSON ~ We ALL encounter difficult bosses/jobs at one time or another in our lives, you have to try to deal with it as best you can. If you can cope, stick with it, maybe things will get better. That certainly was my hope anyway. If the situation becomes unbearable, then it is time to move on. For the record, I really loved my job and did try to get moved to a different department. Unfortunately, there were no openings during this time.
This experience taught me to always stay as positive as possible no matter what the circumstance. Know that there is always something to be gained in every situation, regardless of the outcome.
Have faith and know that God has your very best interest at heart and if necessary, He will remove you from a toxic situation so that you can continue on your life journey. For me, moving on meant I needed to be completely removed from that environment. No one wants to lose a job, but if the negative outweigh the positive, it is time to go. It took a while, but my headaches are finally GONE, thank God! And, I am at Peace. Thankfully, I have found other work and the health insurance my children needed. Everything in life is a living learning lesson ~ EMBRACE it!
That what doesn’t kill you only serves to make you STRONGER!
There’s not one thing I can do to make any of these people act morally correct. My Aunt Cindy recently told me, “You can’t do anything about the wind Kimmie, but you can adjust your sails!” So, that is what I’ve done! I’ve adjusted my sails! I cannot do anything about evil and jealous people, but I can keep them away from me. No longer will I accept the toxicity these type of people put out. I have done whatever necessary to emotionally and spiritually sever ties so that I can continue to move forward on my life path. I will not allow any negative person, be it an ex-husband, ex-friend or ex-boss, prevent me from reaching my dreams and living the BEAUTIFUL life God has planned for me and, for my children. Life happens ~ it’s how you deal with it that counts! So whatever evil deed(s) they’ve done or try to do to me, it is forgiven. Any negativity they try to send my way is simply sent back ~ returned to sender with love.
I KNOW that by sharing my story I am, metaphorically speaking, “giving birth.” I have gained such a clarity about my purpose. My Faith has deepened and with that comes Wisdom and Strength in knowing who I am as a woman and, as a mother. My goal in sharing my experiences is to impart the lessons I have learned. WARRIORS ~ We can survive any storm, as longer as we Trust and Believe in God!
What I gave to the light ~ the light then gave back to me. I am a WARRIOR, a Child of God! I am Kimberly, I am a SURVIVOR, and so are you!
Hell, if I can survive the madness I been through, I KNOW I am one Fierce and FABulous woman! They tried to knock me down but couldn’t!
As long as I have breath in me ~ I will always help to encourage, to empower, to ignite the flames of Faith, and to INSPIRE! When you Believe and Trust God, NO ONE, not Satan himself, will ever keep you down!!
“Never Does The Human Soul Appear So Strong And Noble As When It Forgoes Revenge And Dares To Forgive An Injury.”
From the bottom of my Heart, I humbly thank my loyal fans who continue to show support by stopping by my site and leaving me words of encouragement, even in my absence! You have embraced me, you have accepted me as I am, and YOU truly inspire me! God Bless you ALWAYS!!
Just My Two Cents 2 ♥♥
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